A flutter of excitement passed through the house.
Life was changed by the expected arrival of a new baby.
A week was spent in anticipation of the birth.
Before the arrival of full day, the knowledge that soon they would be bringing life into the world
And so forth came.......
Ashilyn Rebekah
The Beginning of the End
On Monday, I woke with mild contractions. My husband was concerned about leaving me at home so he could run errands. I had a feeling that we would be waiting a bit longer for this child to join us. By noon, I was experiencing back pains as well as the contractions. I was sure these were not Braxton Hicks but the beginning of the real journey to bringing life into the world.
Each day, I felt several mild contractions on and off while the back pains were constant. On Thursday, I decided to run errands in hopes that my physician would schedule the induction we had discussed for the weekend. I was hopeful that the week had not been wasted but would aid in the progression necessary to have the induction right away.
My appointment was for 9:30 am. Out of concern that I might sleep far too late, I had decided to wake with my husband and rise when he did. And rise I did. I was pulling my now overly large self from the bed when a very intense contraction came along with the painful sensation in my back. Since we had gone all week with waiting, I simply got up and prepared a warm bath to start my day.
Twenty minutes after the first pain, another came. If this was the beginning of the end, I thought surely we have hours to go. Not so! The next pain was only six minutes later. My physician's instructions were to go in if I felt intense pains at eight minutes apart...whoops.
I hurried out of the bath, dressed and headed for the door while my husband woke the children so they could go to my Mother's. By the time I got to the door, we were timing the pains at four minutes apart. At the end of the drive, two. EEEEK!
Reality Settles In
After arriving at the hospital, everything moved quite swiftly. The antibiotics were begun immediately and so was the epidural. Epidurals are very frightening things....hold very still while pain comes in sweeping waves every two minutes, indeed. It became very clear to me that we really were going to be having the baby and soon.
I was upset that the medication had to be increased for the numbing to take effect in time. This caused some problems at birth as the increase did it's job a little too well.
My mother came by to see how things were progressing. She, like us, was anticipating hours of waiting and effort. She was surprised by the rapid move in the process. Since the nurses and doctor had little time to allow us a visit, they worked around her which we had not planned for. She had supported me through the last two labors but had not been a part of her other two grandchildren's actual birth. She remained with us, holding one hand while I clung to my husband with the other.
We discovered that I had no idea when a contraction came and had difficulty harnessing the energy I needed for pushing. I also could not feel my own efforts so that I might work with the natural feelings of labor. I meditated to gain control but I was in unknown territory. My Mother and my husband spoke to me calmly to help me but I still struggled for the focus I needed. My doctor determined that forceps were needed to give me a hand and all together, we brought Ashilyn into the world.
All together intense labor that began that Friday morning ended after only FOUR hours!! This was a much easier delivery than the other two.
The History of the Name
We have been repeatedly asked why we chose the name Ashilyn. Let me begin by saying that I originally wanted three children. I can recall having set this goal of motherhood when I was about seven and a half. I wanted two girls and every Father and family needs a little man around. I had hoped to have them four years apart and my daughter and son are that.
When we were expecting our son, we chose a girl's name as well as a boy's in case my motherly feelings were a bit off. The name we decided on was Ashley Alexandra. I intended to carry that name over the third and final child. Then it was not to be, my husband and I made the decision to be a two child family. My heart broke but my mind grasped the reasoning.
I have of course been rewarded with the child my heart deeply longed for. When in good humor, I say that my husband and I were both given gifts of life this year. The doorway opened for him to lead the life and have the job that he has long dreamed of while I was blessed with my second daughter. We hope the two coming together is a sign of a joyful and fulfilling future for our family.
Now what happened to Ashley Alexandra, you say? Ahh well...along the way we have been introduced to far too many who bear this name. She is a special little child who deserves something of her own, something that tells her of our hopes and dreams of her. As a fantasy gamer and writer who enjoys the in depth creation of game details and character backgrounds, I created a character named Ashilyn Myriam. I offered the name Ashilyn as a close alternative to our original choice.
The more we considered it, the more we liked the idea. I do not hope that this little girl grows into the woman that the character is but I hope that she blossoms with some of the traits that make the character so special to me. May our little Ashilyn be feminine, graceful, strong of spirit and may her heart beat with the same depth of love, devotion, passion and compassion as she who inspired the name.
As for her middle name. I was plagued through the pregnancy with the feeling the name was simply not right somehow. A name is a part of who we each are and she deserved the right name. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I determined she was Ashilyn Rebekah not Ashilyn Alexandra.
The Real Ashilyn
Her first moments were exciting for us. She slipped into the world without much trouble. Ashilyn Rebekah was eight pounds and 20 inches long at birth. She is my biggest baby but thankfully her head was smaller than her brother's!
We were both kept for observation and tests until they released us Sunday morning. The fact that I did not receive two doses of antibiotics before her delivery concerns her pediatrician. The preliminary results look good and we are hopeful she has had no ill effects from being exposed to Group B Strep bacteria.
I am anemic and have had difficulties with a birth from this before. My blood count did drop 30% after birth which concerned my physician. All seems well with me. I have been up and about a bit with some pain and discomfort since I could again feel my legs. It's iron supplements for me for quite awhile.
Ashilyn has frightened us by having swallowed too much fluid during birth. During her first twenty-four hours, she had some trouble with vomiting it all up and gagging. Then it was mucous. Babies are such fun, yes? She is improving in this area, I am happy to report.
Our precious little gift was born with a hole at the base of her spine. An ultrasound was done in the hospital before she was released. We thought we would be receiving good results but farther testing is necessary. We are clinging to our hope and embracing positive thoughts.
The little essence that has ruled our world for so many months and owned our hearts from the first is a very responsive, expressive and even amusing wee one. She has had a beautiful complexion, dark hair and dark blue eyes since her birth. I am not at all sure where the red and wrinkled infant I was expecting went! She also has a healthy appetite!
Excluding the concerns for our baby's health, I am enjoying the experience of being her mother. I feel she and I already share something special between us and I hope this is only the first step to a wonderful relationship for us.
A Note to My Daughter:
Ashilyn, I began this writing as a way to share our experience with those who love and care about us. At some point, it became important to me to share our story as a memory for us both. I very much want you to understand how you came to be here and how much you are loved.
You were unplanned but never would you have been unwanted. Your Father and I worried about the concerns we are facing now. You share some problems with your older brother. We were hesitant to face these again and terrified that it could be worse for another child. Each year that we went without you made it somewhat easier to go yet another.
My mind accepted that you might never be because it was clearly a rational decision. My heart ached and longed for the little person I felt was missing from my life. At times, I would find myself looking for you because you really should have been there and then realisation would hit. There was no you....and I would mourn the loss of what never was.
Life seems right for all of us with you here. Your father is having some difficulty with knowing he must return to classes tomorrow, leaving you behind. Don't tell him I told you how attached he has become already, it's our little secret. He looks forward to the new life that we have worked together on and he is exited about sharing it with you. Your sister and brother were with us through our growing years. We look forward to raising you in the life we have established.
So unplanned you were, but a special little surprise gift you are.
And this is the beginning to Ashilyn's tale of life
